So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So squirting runs in the family.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
