Who did Billy Mays play for?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
