Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
