I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
