I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
