Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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