my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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