I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
