I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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