i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
