I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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