guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
