I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
