i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
