Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
