Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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