maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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