Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
wrigley field is MILF paradise
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
