Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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