..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
