lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
