I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
