wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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