i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i wish my penis had a tongue
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
