bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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