I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
