So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
