a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
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