I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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