If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
