You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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