Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
