i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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