Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
