just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
