Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
