Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
