Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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