i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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