omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
