I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
