census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
