just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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