I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
