I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
