Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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