I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
