Four minutes until I can fart!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
