youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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