We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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