I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
