so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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