Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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