i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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